A brief but important warning.

Attn: American Public

It has come to light that going out dancing with one's friends is not nearly as safe as was previously suspected.  Have you been thinking that it'd be nice to throw on your sluttiest top, grab your girlfriends, and head to the club for some martinis, rufies, and some music you can awkwardly shake your ass to?

THINK AGAIN.

According to a recently popular song, there have been instances of club personnel having to call 9-1-1 due to raging fires on the dance floor.  Another song states that the dance floor must be evacuated due to risk of infection by sound.  It is rumoured that there have even been deaths by sick beats.  Is this a mass conspiracy designed to destroy the morale of the American people, or perhaps an act of terrorism by anti-dancing cult members (founded under the principles of the dad from Footloose)? It's very possible. 

Currently, there are investigations into the matter.  For the time being, it is suggested that you either dance in your own living rooms in your underwear, or perhaps visit piano bars and wine bars instead.  It has been stated that country western/line dancing bars are safety zones as well, but the author of this warning would like to interject and say that if you genuinely wish to visit these establishments, you should promptly go jump into shark-infested waters instead.

Be on the lookout, dear readers, and dance safely. 

With love and lamé,

Isabella "Izzy" St. James