Izzy: Although they both follow the principles of peace, love, unity and respect, the subcultures are way different. Even the drugs used are different (i.e. more natural-leaning drugs vs. manufactured club drugs). One evolved due to social unrest and revolt, one evolved due to...techno.
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Izzy: Our friendship reminds me of the girls in Heavenly Creatures, minus the creepiness and matricide.
Ginger: I've never heard of that movie...but I feel like if matricide is involved I'll find it creepily entertaining.
Izzy: Definitely. I'm kinda glad I didn't watch it when I was a younger and much more angsty (or at least less self-controlled) girl.
Ginger: Lolz, I concur. My mother would probably have gottten more than liquid soap on her toothbrush.
Izzy: It's set in New Zealand and a true story. I mean, you can't entirely blame them...there really wasn't anything to do in 1950's NZ except fuck sheep and kill your mother.
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Izzy: I think Saddam Hussein was cloned, put into a sailor suit, and is now an actor on the Spanish Channel.
Ginger: It's quite plausible...what else are all his body doubles going to do now?
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Izzy: Ohh, East Clevland...I love the metal bars on the drive-thru windows. It's charming.
Ginger: It really gives you that sense of small town charm.
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Ginger: Ostraconophobia- the abhorrence of mollusks. Dinophobia- fear of whirlpools...sadly not a fear of dinosaurs. Cherophobia- fear of gaiety. Wtf? Hellenologophobia- fear of overly complex scientific terminology.
I found a phobia book at the library. It's very informative.
Izzy: Who, in their right mind, would abhor mollusks? Nobody we want to associate with.
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[Ginger's Adventures in Pittsburgh]
Ginger: So at work tonight, there was this old lady in a red velvet dress and big white fur coat coming to one of the parties we were hosting. As soon as I saw her I thought she was Santa and was depressed to find out she was just an old woman.
Ginger: Gandalf has returned! But he wears mom jeans. This is actual photographic proof that Gandalf really was a wolf shirt wearer...and I hope you can see the scarf is neon purple.
Ginger: I'm intrigued by cowboys not in their natural habitats. How did they come to be in the city? Why do they still feel the need to be cowboys? Is there a secret league of cowboy crimefighters and that's how they recognize each other? So many unanswered questions...
Ginger: JOE LEFT PORN UNDER OUR MATTRESS. I watched the first minute of the intro, the girls were especially busted and low budget.
Ginger: I love it when My Super Sweet 16 parties go wrong, it's almost as good as when I watch Teen Mom.
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[Home for the Holidays]
Ginger: How can something be out of stock online? Isn't there a factory full of children being paid 3 cents an hour to make sure that doesn't happen?
Izzy: Yeah, isn't that why we outsource? I mean otherwise we could pay people here to actually do their damn job.
Ginger: Completely unhelpful, Home Depot online. P.S., I'm getting my mom a drill for X-Mas.
Izzy: Are you getting her a girlfriend too?
Ginger: She can find one on her own, it's only a matter of time.
Izzy: I secretly wish she and Carol would get together.
Ginger: That would be SO ridiculous. But what about The Captain? He would be so lonely.
Izzy: He has like 8,000 kids to keep him company.
Ginger: True, and he can take to the high seas on a grand adventure and maybe pick up Charlotte Doyle.
Izzy: I got 2 things of lotion. One makes me smell like an Asian hooker (supposedly Japanese Cherry Blossom but my brother says they usually smell more like sweat, tears, and old chow mein) and the other makes me smell like an American stripper (is this vanilla? Or is it daddy issues, glitter, and GHB?).
Ginger: I've also smelled that Japanese Cherry whatever and definitely got a hint of hooker to round out the bouquet.
Ginger: We are totes soulmates. It's decided by the fates...I am sooo drunk but having an amazing time. I would pay hobos to pull you here on a bobsled.
Ginger: A summary of my last 24 hours: worked 12 hours, during which I met a new lez at work and invited out with me and Ethan; got out of work, went to multiple bars and a house party until I went home at 4 am with aforementioned new lez friend and our other lez friend and we all fall asleep at 6 am in our bed. Wake up, went to buy drugs and played My Little Pony with drug dealer's daughter. Now trying to find dinner...if this is any indication of how this year is going to play out I am PUMPED.
Izzy: Jealous! I went to work, got out at 6:20, kicked it at Jen's and hung out at their party until sadly I had to work again at 11 pm. Woke up in a good mood which Carol promptly shat upon. I am now on my way to Reading, PA to see Dex and get some sexin' (Lord knows I need it) and kick it. I'm not sure how I'm feeling about 2010 so far. Awkward. If the sex is fantastic perhaps I'll be more optimistic.
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Ginger: 60+ male on the T with a Miley Cyrus lanyard sticking out of his back pocket. Weird.
Izzy: At least he's open and proud of it. No, wait...still weird.
Ginger: I feel like he uses it as a luring device. It had crosses on it, yet he is ironically unholy.
Izzy: And ultra pedo-creepy.
Ginger: Totes. He had a weird pedo scraggly beard as well.
Izzy: Yuck. Mustache status?
Ginger: Trash stash.
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Izzy: Why I like dating the Hulk: I had sex mid-air (um, awesome) and later on quite literally got the panties ripped off of me. I was shocked and amazed...then very satisfied. High five?
Ginger: Double high-five. You might have just starred in a porno.
Izzy: If not I probably should have. It's like The Odyssey, bedroom edition. I have to be prepared to fend off krakens and sea witches and whatnot.
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Ginger: I'm sorry, but any boy that writes "kewl dewd" in swirly letters on his folder is gay, no matter how much he insists he has a girlfriend. This is also the same boy that talks to Garfield on MySpace.
I also think I'm going to start drawing vaginas on everything to combat all the penis graffiti. And sign them all C(I)A too. I saw the cutest thing today- a boy made a paper flower and gave it to another boy and then they hugged. Totes presh.
Izzy: Is the boy that gave or received that flower the kewl dewd who talks to Garfield? 'Cause he's super gay. Also, I fully support vagina graffiti.
Ginger: He is not one of the flower boys, which is good because they were both cute and he is scary. He also just bleached his hair and slicks it all back now, instead of the side back and top forward.
Izzy: He's obviously a Malfoy.
Ginger: Ew, at least Malfoy is cute. He's a poor unintelligent imitation.
Izzy: Like Malfoy's retarded brother they kept a secret, locked away in a dungeon somewhere.
Ginger: They would totally do that, if there was an ugly brother. But he would definitely be a squib.
Izzy: I doubt Garfield boy has any powers other than the uncanny ability to invoke my gag reflex.
Ginger: He's also really good at writing in swirly font.
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Izzy: Seriously, I think they need to ban annoying pregnant women from Facebook. I just hopped on and, thanks to my news feed, learned that this girl has now dilated to 1 cm. Idk why she thinks the interwebs wants to hear all about her cervix. I'm also going to extend that ban to annoying newlyweds who insist on talking about their new [boring] lives together. If this keeps up I will counteract and start describing, in great detail, the poops I take every morning.
Ginger: Facebook is irritating me right now, too many people overshare. Specifically in the cervical area. Besides, 1 cm is hardly anything to brag about.
Izzy: I know, right? When you're actually squeezing a baby out of your snatch maybe I'll be a little more impressed. Until then, shut up. Otherwise you may get an earful about either my poop or the ridiculous sex adventures I have. I feel either of those is more entertaining than hearing about cervix dilations or your husband's trip to Lowe's. Do not want.
Ginger: Nor do I care about home improvements, unpacking boxes, or doing laundry. Shut the fuck up about it. I would appreciate poop and/or sex stories, as long as they are not combined.
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Ginger: We should have our own True Life: I'm Way More Awesome than Everyone Around Me.
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Ginger: So a type of peach is called a blushing star...umm, vagina lingo much?
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Izzy: I had no real V-Day cards laying around so instead I used a party invite. For: Valentine's Day. Date: February 14th, 2010 (duh). Time: All fuckin' day, bitch! Where: My pants. RSVP: In my mouth?
Uh, yeah. I'm classy. I did write a sweet personal note on the back...plus I spent a ridic amount of time making the envelope look supafly.
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Ginger: Some guy with Pez dispensers in a pawn shop just referred to a low bid as "an insult to the Pez community". He was also in a velour suit and fedora. Named Joe from Vegas, obvs.
Izzy: Uh, that dude is awesome, where can I get a velour suit?
Ginger: I have a feeling they are all in his closet. He never left 1970, which is really a lot of Vegas charm, actually.
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Ginger: I got baked and then baked cookie brownie bars. I love it when I make grocery decisions based upon my extracurricular drug use desires.
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Ginger: There are a bunch of Jersey Shore t-shirts at Burlington. May or may not have made barfing noises as I walked by them.
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Izzy: I bought Stride Mega Mystery gum based on several factors: 1) It reminded me of the white Airheads 2) It's all bright and multi-coloured, vaguely reminiscent of tie-dye 3) the big question mark on the front makes me feel like it's something The Riddler would chew 4) My sense of curiosity is highly developed and I love a good mystery [sidenote: this is also why I attempt to sneak references to Clue into conversations as much as possible] and 5) I'm a big fan of alliterative titles. Am I a fab item finder or just a sucker for marketing? Or dare I suggest...both?
Ginger: Normally I would say sucker for marketing, but you have sound logic to back up your purchases. I would go with your highly developed sense of curiosity.
Izzy: The individual wrappers have multi-coloured question marks all over them. I feel like a kid who just got her first pack of Zebra Stripe. The gum itself is an odd, indistinguishable flavour but strangely tasty. I feel both awkward and excited and to tell you the truth I don't know what to do about it other than have a perplexed look on my face. I also have the desire to get packs for everyone I like and/or throw a murder mystery party.
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Izzy: I discovered a wet diaper (the baby's, obvs, not mine) from a mid-drive diaper change in my car garbage bag...my first thought was "eww" but was rapidly succeeded by "at whom can I chuck this?". I should not be around urine bombs such as this, it makes troublesome thoughts crop up in the teenage boy prankster part of my brain. If I ever get a hold of a Diaper Genie, all hell will break loose. I should probably be forbidden from having children...
Ginger: I foresee a lot of diaper wars when we are at the cottage...to pelt at each other and also unfortunate passersby.
Izzy: The ones for each other must be filled with pleasant things though. If there are passersby at our gnome cottage it means they got past the trolls at the bridge, the mega-intense bear traps, and the kraken. THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT! BRING OUT THE CATAPULTS!
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Ginger: I've started drinking vodka and sprite with sours mix and grenadine...I'm feeling fancy today.
Izzy: Grenadine is like bows, the addition of either automatically makes something fancier.
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[Dexter and Poindexter]
Ginger: Does he have horn-rimmed glasses? I picture him as a sexy nerd.
Izzy: No but he has a beautiful tan and deep, serious eyes. Very tall, dark and handsome. Not someone I'd picture as a Poindexter (aka the Clark Kent type).
Ginger: He sounds nice to look at.
Izzy: Indeed. And he's in camis, as is Dex. I'm in Dexter-type dude heaven right now.
Ginger: Are they fanning you and feeding you those sorbet and sticky rice balls we got at Trader Joe's? Because they should be. I feel that an investment in a chaise lounge would not be out of place here.
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Ginger: I just equated waring a strap-on to be a sort of power, like a sword...making awkward conversations awesome ftw.
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Izzy: Dex, in a strange nearly-Sean-Connery-but-not-quite voice: "Ah yes, touch it, feel it, it is yours! It is yours, Trebek!". Uh, what? Apparently I'm Alex Trebek. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited about it. Trebek is apparently the boner commander as well as a very suave Canadian quiz master.
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Izzy: Some rank insignia has a bunch of chevrons and stripes and what is apparently an exploding bomb (the round Mario Bros. type) in the middle. I keep insisting it's a pineapple to symbolize love and friendship and welcome. I think I'm single-handedly turning the Marine Corps into daisy chain making hippies, at least in my head, and making people mad with my unrelenting insistence that it is fruit and not a weapon.
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Ginger: You're getting married right now, I'm watching Monsterquest...my, how we've grown apart.
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Izzy: I just passed a street called Shrimp Lady Lane. Seriously.
Ginger: Find me a house there. I shall live on Shrimp Lady Lane until I perish.
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Ginger: I got a massive nosebleed and bled all over the bed, him, and myself thus looking like a cannibal/serial killer. It was so sexy :-/ Not.
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Ginger: Your uterus being a habitat makes me think of rainforests or the tundra.
Izzy: I wish it was a bio-dome so Pauly Shore could go be totaly 90's there. Only miniature because I don't think an adult could fit comfortably.
Ginger: If Pauly Shore springs from your uterus you probably have bigger problems than just a baby...like how Pauly Shore got into there in the first place.
Izzy: Harry Potter lives there too and said, "Accio miniature Pauly Shore!".
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Ginger: Um, beeteedub, I should not be explaining what's in a gin and tonic on day 23 of 28 in my bartending class. The same kid also asked me if vodka was in a shot of tequila. I'm actually rather proud I haven't backhanded him yet.
Srsly. My patience is waning...oh, and now he asked what was in a jack and coke. He might actually be a supergenius, sent to test my patience...or, like, Jesus. didn't he do sneaky shit like that?
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Ginger: So this girl in my class got grounded for being on the phone after 8 pm. She's 23. Cut. The. Cord. How messed up is that? She needs to a) Grow up and b) Slap her mother in the face.
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Izzy: Our song should be Always by Erasure. And by "our song" I mean you and me, not me and Dex.
Ginger: It's a much more pressing matter to choose our song than one with your husband.
Clearly this song and video (which you may recognize from Robot Unicorn Attack, one of the best flash games of all time) both represent our friendship quite well:
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