Why I Belong in A Cartoon

So, whilst perusing the vast pop culture gallery that is my brain/apartment, I couldn't help but notice that cartoon characters always have really awesome professions.


Mob Boss: Only available to individuals with rotund bodies, tiny feet, and a predelection for smoking large cigars without ashing them (not to be confused with old ladies smoking Virginia Slims at their Red Hat Society meeting).  How does one even obtain this body shape? Careful years of honing the diet and binding the feet is the only option I can come up with. Must also be able to intimidate, or have an intimidating friend at your disposal to threaten the fine cartoon community for more ACME explosives.  This leads me to my next point...

ACME dynamite in general: The one and only explosive company in cartoon history ever, and also a monopoly most likely run by Mob Bosses. Be it a tester, or a testee (no, not testes.) this seems like a pretty sweet gig. Either you hang out in the desert and blow shit up (although this could cause problems for those who dislike dry heat, but then again we are in cartoons where there is no atmosphere unless Marvin comes around) or you stand around in the desert (unless you are the Roadrunner, who is on some constant unknown journey of UTMOST IMPORTANCE to warrant sprinting everywhere) and get explosives shoved off a cliff onto your head.  Either way, you get to hang out in the desert.

Bandit: Nowhere in the free world are there straight up bandits anymore. Gone are the days of the Wild West and carriage robberies.  But, Yosemite Sam and Speedy Gonzalez are still going strong. Now, there is debate as to whether Speedy is actually a bandit or not, but lets be real here. He's a quick Mexican mouse, obvs criteria for being a bandit (not meant to be offensive towards Mexicans or mice, just making a point about banditos).  I would also like to know the location of the store that sells horizontal striped long sleeve shirts, and blindfolds with eye-holes cut out that are integral for being a successful bank robber. That's probably where Waldo is at this very moment, or at least where he hides when he's not in those damn picture books [sidenote: I Spy books were probably just photos of people's overly messy rooms that were submitted in lieu of setting up those ridiculously complicated scenes].


{Due to Ginger's class being over, and adventures to get to, more career descriptions are forthcoming}

Peace and Pintos,
Ginge