Pwniforms?

Now, Izzy and I pwn n00bz like nobody's business, so I have crafted this handy online manual for those who are less adept at pwning the n00bz around them.
Sadly, nothing as good as VSP and EHD on the T this morning. But Izzy and I did come to the conclusion that we need some sort of uniform for pwning n00bz, which naturally would be called a pwniform. A pwniform is appropriate for both lollercoasters and the lawlercaust, so no worries. You will need a helmet for pwning aboard a roflcopter though, so please be prepared. It is always easier to pwn when following safety precautions.
Also helpful for pwning and irritating n00bz is lolspeak. This is specifically helpful when done in a falsetto voice while speaking like an I Can Haz Cheezburger cat. Lolspeak will do two things when unleashed in public. The cool half of the general population will share in teh lolz, and maybe extend the hand of nerdy friendship and share their own witty lolspeak comment. This will generally sound something like, "I can haz date plz?" if they are totes adorbs and want a date with you (most desired outcome, mainly because of the multi-tasking that happens...pwnage and a date? Game. Set. Match.), or, "I haz teh lolzers from that epic pwning". This second comment can help band those of us gnarly enough to understand the pwning that just took place.
Now, one new to pwning may ask, "What type of uniform will best help me pwn those around me?" Well, dear friend, I haz teh answer. A pwniform is unique to each person. It is generally something the pwner feels most comfortable in, or the costume of their alter-ego. I personally prefer to be wearing some sort of cape/Cracker Jack Sailor outfit. If pwning lumberjacks however, I make sure to wear flannel and carry a pickaxe.  [[ Izzy says: A stack of flapjacks is always good to create a diversion.  For vikings, a battle axe or perhaps a broad sword.  Shurikens work well for ninjas.  You get the point- keep it situationally appropriate. ]]
Lastly, in the post-pwn moments, please have another pwn prepared in case you happen to insult a fellow who has pwned before and will pwn again. If you can one-up your opwnent (lolz) you will be the superior pwner. And let's face it, if you have your pwniform on you will be much more likely to deliver a fatal, pwning blow. But, in the off-chance that they sling a zinger back at you, expecting you to crumple in your Pwning Shoes, they will be sorely mistaken. I recommend always having a minimum of 2 pwns per n00b, in case this occurs. If you cannot think of a second pwn, or are going against a well-known pwner I could recommend an aerial-pwn from a balcony or window. The most helpful distance I have found is the third story, close enough to pwn and far enough away to avoid flying wireless mice or 44oz. blue slushies from Sheetz. You can also disappear into the window, saving face when a secondary pwn cannot be thought of. A bus window can also work, for the same reasons. A speeding away bus also helps for a more dramatic exit. Of course, a hot air balloon would be the most dramatic way to exit, but floating away takes too long and they are not good transportation for city-dwellers. 
I hope this manual has helped you, and you go out into the world today feeling confident and ready to deliver a crushing pwn in your new and shiny pwniform.


Peace and Pwns,
Ginger