We talk about spandex a lot.

Izzy: Watching My Fake Fiancé (with Melissa Joan Hart). It makes me want to stage a wedding.

Ginger: I don't think I've actually seen that one, but it sounds faboo.

Izzy: Sabrina the Teenage Witch ages to Sabrina the manipulative 20-something.

Ginger: Lolz, sounds about right...She's married with 3 kids or something now. Man, Clarissa Explains It All was my favorite show.

Izzy: I've always wanted to have a friend who came over by climbing into my window with a ladder. That was fairly common in the 90's.

Ginger: Where did all the ladders go? Most of them were blond too...correlation?

Izzy: I always associate ladder climbing with Aryans in flannel, don't you? But wasn't Clarissa's neighbor (Sam) a brunette? Maybe it's just the blonds that have the most desirable windows.

Ginger: Well, it could also have something to do with "blonds have more fun" which is why they pre-arrange to have attractive windows to provide a pleasurable experience for the individual doing the sneaking in?

Izzy: I can't get "Come to my Window" out of my head now. Also 90's, wasn't it?

Ginger: Yes! Oh my god I've had it stuck in my head too since we started the whole windows discussion!

It never ceases to amaze me how we get into such elaborate discussions about obscure pop culture icons.

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Ginger: We are full of potential growth, esp. our tatas.

Izzy: Omg I hope not. I'd cry.

Ginger: Meee too...But it would be kind of cool if we could make them grow when we dressed as superheroes and fought crime, then they could be normal size the rest of the time.

Izzy: Our tatas are never normal sized as it is. Could I keep them like this for crime fighting then go down to C cups for my everyday activities?

Ginger: I think that's arrangeable...as long as crime fighting is still involved.

Izzy: Of course.

Ginger: Excellent...I can see us majestically standing on top of a building, surveying our peaceful, crime-free village.

Izzy: Hands on our hips, grins on our faces, beaming with pride.

Ginger: Yes, spandex bodysuits glistening in the moonlight.

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Ginger: I wish you could prowl the streets looking for tweakers with me.

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Izzy: On my way to work. I also decided if I listen to Lady Gaga the whole way to NC it will be game on...Poker Face? No. She makes me get my sex face on. I'll take Lejeune by storm. Anyone who thinks we're NOT gonna do it...too bad, game over. Hurricane Iz is a-brewin'.

Ginger: It will be like La Niña all up in NC.

Izzy: La Hoo-ha *grins*

Ginger: Hehehehehehehe.  A big storm or a vaginal takeover...whichev, they're practically the same.

Izzy: That made me think of little uniformed lemming men invading my girl parts.  I'm not gonna lie, I panicked for a second.

 

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Izzy: Double threat. The Shuttlecocks-prowling the streets, bustin' crimes and bustin' rhymes.

Ginger: We bust rhymes instead of heads...can we have rap/dance offs with our foes?

Izzy: It'll be like West Side Story but with a Tupac vs. Biggie twist.

Ginger: Can we make up little rhyming songs like the Oompa Loompas in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? The one with Gene Wilder, of course.

Izzy: Only if we can have our choreography include 1980's style break dancing.

Ginger: And pants...Have you seen Breakin' 2? It can be like that.

Izzy: Fuck. Yes.

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Ginger: Who doesn't like gaybourhoods and trannies?

Izzy: Again...Republicans.

Ginger: Pfft, they're hardly rational citizens of society.

Izzy: Republicans like trannies and hookers in secret.  They call it scandal, I call it a good weekend.

Ginger: I like a good scandalous weekend. Keeps the heart young.

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Ginger: You will not be a cat lady...someone with plans to wear capes, have a gnome cottage with a kraken in the lake and pilots hot air balloons would never be a crotchety old cat lady.

Izzy: What if I'm a dog lady who bakes snickerdoodles for the neighbourhood children?

Ginger: That's acceptable.  Mainly because snickerdoodles are fucking delicious.

Izzy: So it's acceptable for me to die alone as long as I make delicious baked goods?

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Ginger: Kid Rock boy has started parting his hair in the middle and slicking back both halves...who fooled him into thinking that looks socially acceptable? He's also planning his first tattoo...his high school mascot.  He went to Youngstown and was in the computer club.  Someone please blow this kid before his interests completely cripple any social skills he may have at one time had.

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Ginger: Some girl walking by just said, "I wish I had an excuse to dress as a pirate everyday."  Now I ask, does one actually need an excuse?

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Ginger: I like to text you my thoughts throughout the day while you're asleep, because I like to think you smile upon wakening.

Izzy: You're precious :)

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Ginger: Balls to the wall? How about vaginas to the ceiling, motherfucker!

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Ginger: I feel like the coach in Remember the Titans could be the next Hitler.  He is so persuasive!

Izzy:  Except it's Denzel so he'd be persuading me to let him be my baby daddy.  And I'd oblige.

Ginger: I just lol'd all over the couch.  

Apparently what makes a good sports movie is survivor's guilt.  Remember the Titans, We Are Marshall...I fucking hate sports.

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Ginger: Gadzooks, I wouldn't want to be Brazilian tonight.  Or ever, really.  You think they're born with Brazilian waxes?

Izzy: No, they're born with full beards which is why they wax so damn much.

Ginger: Ooooh good point.  My eyebrows need to be bushwhacked asap.

Izzy: Lol.  I hope they shape them like giraffes, or perhaps ballerinas. 

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Izzy: Good news: listening to You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall & Oates while getting a bikini wax makes it much more pleasant.   Like every time you rip something off or wince in pain it's like a sweet dance move.

Ginger: I imagined you doing the Saturday Night Fever dance move but naked and with wax strips.

Izzy: That was my intention.

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Ginger: Whitney Houston had the first celebrity meltdown.  Britney Spears can only hope to achieve Whitney-level downward spirals.

Izzy: And Whitney has crack.  What does B. Spears have besides a crazy eye and Dr. Phil?

Ginger: Hair clippers and Prozac.  Aka NADA.